Rain and big snow flakes mixed today. And with it all on muddy ground, no one wants to be outside and get their feet all wet and muddy and cold. Both canines have revolted and almost totally refused to go and stand outside and do business.
It was so nice yesterday. Tao took a long walk down to the village and walked by all the shops and people. He is such a good little boy out in public. But at home all he wants to do is jump on Parrish and Bonnie.
Beamer today just finds out doors really a bad place to be especially when it thunders. A real mixed bag of 'stuff' out there. Boof boof boof!
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Parrish and I went to the lumberyard together and had so much fun. We went for 2 things and came home with a lot of stuff and had fun collecting it all. And deciding if we would be in trouble time we got it all home. Then we got to install all the great finds we had collected. It was just like getting to be with Papadog for one little moment in time.
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| Date: | 2010-02-10 08:41 |
| Subject: | too much baby |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  exhausted |
I have been taking care of Sparrow just a little too much for my side. Getting down with babies to play or pick up after them on the floor is killing me. Next Tuesday I have her all day (she will be a play school some) while Bonnie is doing court duty. It seems like my time of responsibility with babies grows and it is hurting me. How to be Grand-mere' and be me at the same time.
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| Date: | 2010-02-07 14:06 |
| Subject: | Tao is so good! |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  cheerful |
The last two days I have taken Tao to the grocery store to sit on their outdoor patio. Tao just sits close to me and watches all the people go in and out of the store. Some speak to him and he remains very quiet and polity. Today we even had a standard poodle tied to the railing while his owner went into shop. The poor dog that was left howled and cried, but Tao sat quietly by me and watched his misery unfold. Boy was Tao dirty when we got home, all the slush and mud and road film in the streets had turned his white under belly into gray filth.
I was happy today for my dogs had had a good day. Tao got a bath at the end of it all. Beamer got a clean quilt on her bed. (my bed) Both of them are eating the very expensive dog food that will make them very healthy. They are loving it and that makes me smile.
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. . . Parrish said as he went to sleep the night before he though - how glad he was that I was down stairs. That made me so happy to hear. Like I was really a pack member. And now Monday he is going to do something for me that I could never do by myself. He will take care of it and all will be right. So how could I ever be without him, my baby cat.
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Five years since Mike had to leave me. The pain is still as deep and the tears come just as easy. Parrish remolded his house in KC for me and I have my own apartment, a deck, and a fenced yard for my 2 big dogs to go out and play. But where is my happy - Papadog you took it with you, and left a whole in me, and now I am done. I so long for a conversation! Parrish and Bonnie are all about the Sparrow as it should be, but does any one just sit down and talk about something deep. Mike and I would talk for hours on end, I have not had anyone to talk with and that brings such pain. I talk to Mike, just as he said I could, but I am not with him. God I am so lonely, 3 people living upstairs, and a City full of humans. I am so lonely. Mike told me before he died that I always had to have a dog. Without Beamer and Tao I would surely die myself.
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If you would please, read all the entries that Mike wrote from 7-11-04. Go to the top right and click on 'back 20 entries' to read the rest of them. There are not very many and they are mostly short. But what I want most is for the world to know that a very beautiful person once lived and is now gone. I seek nothing else. Diana Baker
"No matter what my challenge, I know I am loved." Mike Baker (Cat)
"Reflections of Life" a collection of writings by Mike Baker after his retirement from public school teaching in 1998. He had a weekly column in a local news paper, there are a couple hundred of these over the span of 7 years. Reflections on our life, his childhood, the world.
http://homepage.mac.com/sparrowsfall/iblog/B645365840/archive.html
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Over 17 plus months since Cat died the days get longer and longer. I may not cry all day any more, but the sorrow and the pain gets deeper and deeper. Mike had a new wedding band made for me for our last Christmas. A wide gold band with the word ETERNITY cut deep into it. I look at it on my finger and wonder just how long we must be apart. My happy is gone and the future is something that I can not understand. I held him in my arms and told him he could go on, but if I had it to do over again, I would never let him go alone. He should have never had to leave by himself, we were always together.
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The Tao helped Mike. From the very first second that he knew he was going to die from liver cancer he felt nothing but peace and calm. In the last weeks of his one year and 10 day life with liver cancer he went on pills to relieve the stress. But he always remained at peace with what was happening and felt that the things that were to be done here, he had finished. It was time to go home. As always through our 37 years his concern was for me. I now have no one in the world but our son Parrish and his wife Bonnie to love and be loved by, all is gone and washed away. But Mike still holds my soul and my every thought. Our son wrote in one of his writings . . . "On the Other Side the road does not end. But sometimes it circles back." I wait for that to happen. I read the Tao and find quiet in my mind. But my joy and happy left 12-20-04 at 7 minutes until 4 in the afternoon, from my arms.
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| Date: | 2004-12-09 16:17 |
| Subject: | |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: | sad |
http://homepage.mac.com/sparrowsfall/Personal23.html
Living With Liver Cancer - This is Mikes site.
Mike died on December 20, 2004 at 7 min. till 4 p.m. In his home in my arms. Diana Baker
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Robert M. Pirsig wrote in his novel, Lila, that one of his characters had "...come to think of dreams as Dynamic perceptions of reality. They were suppressed and filtered out of consciousness by conventional patterns of static social and intellectual order but they revealed a primary truth: a value truth. The static patterns of the dreams were false but the underlying values that produced the patterns were true. In static reality there is no octopus coming to squeeze us to death, no giant that is going to devour us and digest us and turn us into a part of its own body so that it can grow stronger and stronger while we are dissolved and lost into nothingness. But in Dynamic reality?"
The Dynamic reality of our dreams is made possible by the static patterns which serve our consciousness. During three nights this past week three unusual dreams were experienced by myself, my wife, and our son. I dreamed that upon leaving a building in a small town business area that one of the buildings had been painted bright pink. This had been done in the short time I had been inside. I was surpised by the brilliant color. Then as I walked down the street other buildings would suddenly turn bright pink. Remember the expression "pretty in pink" which was a complimentary observation? My buildings were all pretty. But the pattern underlying their sudden appearance was "change" and in my dream I readily accepted the change with no concern that it was taking place. I certainly did not question why or how the change was occurring. There was simple acceptance and therefore a willingness to experience that change.
During the next night my wife, Diana, dreamed that she was attempting to back out of our carport but surrounding the driveway were many men squatting down on the ground, each of them covered with a blue blanket. Suddenly she realized that she could back her car out without harming any of them. She proceeded to do so and they all were safe. Her belief in her ability to back out of the carport allowed her to maneuver a difficult experience and come through it without harm to herself or the men covered with the security by their blankets.
On the third night our son, who lives in Kansas City, dreamed that he saw me coming up the hill upon which we live. I was carrying perhaps a rolled up carpet and both the carpet and I were covered in dirt. About half way up the hill I laid the carpet roll down so that I could continue. That which I was carrying was too heavy a burden. He ran down the street and picked up my load and followed behind me in my footsteps. As we walked the hill I covered my head with a dirty shirt. I see in his dream the realization upon his part that I could not go the distance alone, that I must have assistance and that he was willing to step in and help me with by burden. Additionally, he walked behind me in my footsteps which I see as a very important dream detail. He was willing to follow the path which I had chosen.
These dreams are significant as they all focus on me. With my terminal health experience we were each attempting to come to terms with that experience and find the way for us to follow. I learned that to successfully complete my experience, I must simply accept it and continue to live in the moment. Diana learned that she could come through the experience
without harm. And Parrish learned that he could help me, and he was willing to follow in my footsteps when the time came for him to do so.
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Recently our daughter-in-law, Bonnie, loaned us Jim Henson's "Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas" movie. This is a wonderful story about believing in the moment, having faith in our decisions, our life choices.
Ma Otter sings a beautiful solo entitled "When the River Meets the Sea". The music has an old-time gospel flavor and seems to lift your spirit up beyond the momentary cares of our daily life. It takes you to a place of higher importance and reminds you of the Truth which we should be striving to know.
Though our minds be filled with questions
In our hearts we'll understand
When the river meets the Almighty Sea.
I find myself on this plane of life which is filled with pain. I must honestly say that my mind is filled with questions. But somehow in my heart I do understand. I don't have any words which can explain that understanding, but it does exist. The river of life which flows through me, indeed the river which I am, or even more correctly the "flow" which is my experience, is returning me to the Almighty Sea. And when I meet the sea
In that sweet and final hour
Truth and justice will be done.
Yes, truth and justice will be done, when the river meets the Almighty Sea.
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Recently I was reading in "Zen to Go" a compilation of Zen thoughts by Jon Winokur and found the following entry:
"Apart from the known and unknown, what else is there?" That was written by Harold Pinter a poet, playwright and political activist in Great Britain. I really like the question which he poses and have come up with my answer. I replied, "Nothing." My wife, Diana, replied, "The moment." Perhaps both of our answers are acceptable from an Eastern point of view, or perhaps they are not quite where Pinter is intending for us to go. But greater than the answer(s), I believe is the question!
I was sharing Pinter's thought with our son, Parrish, and he suggested that I delve into the very deep "poetry" of D. H. Rumsfeld. A wonderful site exists at The Poetry of D. H. Rumsfeld. Words simply cannot express the depth of Mr. Rumsfeld's intellect. It is frightening to know that a man with such power in influencing world events is in possession of such an intellectual capacity. I include one of his more famous pieces of poetry. Visit the site if you dare grasp more of his mental ramblings.
The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.
—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing
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The incident which took the lives of hundreds of adults and children on the opening day of school in Beslan, North Ossetia seems to me to demand that a solution be sought to worldwide terrorism. Not sought in the future, no, sought immediately. We are quick to answer that demand with, "But terrorism is a complex issue for which there is only one solution: eliminate the terrorists." The elimination of terrorists is a complete impossibility. As a teacher I heard my peers say time and again, "My class would be perfect if only Johnny was not in the room." And generally, it was possible to find a way to eliminate Johnny from the class and for a short while the class was more pleasant. But always, and I do mean always, another Johnny arose from the ranks and the class was right back where it began.
Kill all the terrorists? Others will simply appear. So for this war, the enemy can never be defeated, no matter what our current president says. I know this and so does he.
I believe that for the lack of a productive question we are dealing with terrorism. I taught my students that any of the "mysteries" we have in this world can be solved if we frame the correct question. Let me quote two men to support my contention.
"The formulation of a problem," said Albert Einstein, "is often more essential than its solution which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old questions from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science." (A. Einstein and L. Infeld, The Evolution of Physics, 1938)
"The function of thinking is not just solving an actual problem but discovering, envisaging, going into deeper questions. Often in great discoveries the most important thing is that a certain question is found. Envisaging, putting the productive question is often a more important, often a greater achievement than solution of a set question." (M. Wertheimer, Productive Thinking, 1945)
I wonder if any world leader, including George W. Bush, has ever sat down privately and asked, "What must be done to end terrorist acts?" All we hear them say is that we will win the war against terrorism. But how and at what cost to humanity? I wait for a leader to take the risk of asking the above question. That first question will guide him or her to greater, deeper questions and the answers found will lead us closer to a solution - a solution that must be found soon. For lack of a productive question, we may soon experience catastrophic horrors.
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While bouncing around the internet in search of a specific type of windsock, I ran upon the most beautiful page regarding a man with cancer who lives(d) in Seattle. I am awed by his statement to his doctor. "Cancer can't live in a body filled with love." Wow. He certainly speaks Truth! I know first hand. Check out this great story. Sitting Downwind from Flowers.
All is well in my world!
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In the pursuit of learning, every day something is added. In the practice of Tao, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.
Lao-tzu
Tao Te Ching
Chapter 48
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These thoughts were written by Alfred Julius Emmanuel Sorenson, better known to his followers as Sunyata. Sunyata was a mystic who lived his last years in the United States and was a friend of Alan Watts.
"Things have to happen. The only thing we can do is to change our attitude toward them. It makes a lot of difference whether you accept things or you don't."
What a simplistic thought. Everything is as it is. Accept things as they are. Your life can then be lived in freedom. No fear. No regret. No resentment. No anger. All you need is acceptance.
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Today my wonderful wife of nearly 37 years is celebrating her birthday! We have planned for it to be a VERY private and quiet day of celebration. In attendance at all of today's activities will be Diana, the birthday celebrant, myself, the doting husband, and our DEVOTED canine companion, Miss Beamer dog. We're going to have fun today!
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| Date: | 2004-08-01 12:07 |
| Subject: | Worthy of Love |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: | mellow |
Recently we were given Louise L. Hay's "Power Thought Cards" which contain 64 daily affirmation cards. Our affirmation for today is "I Am Worth Loving". When you consider that thought you realize that you do not have to earn love. As Hay says, "I am lovable because I exist." Simply because we are a manifestation of universal energy we are worthy of love from those around us. Obviously not everyone will extend their love to us, primarily because they do not realize that they themselves are worth loving. If we do not understand our worth we will find it difficult to extend love to others. Hay continues with the observation that "Others reflect the love I have for myself." The greater our self-directed love, the greater the love we will have reflected back to us from others. I am worth loving, as are you.
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I visited my son's blog posting for today to discover that he and his wife had been to Cool Crest. I first began going their as a 19 year old in the summer of 1962. On those hot Kansas City summer evenings it was such a pleasant place to visit. I have placed Parrish's post below so that you can wrap your mind around his beautiful imagery.
Fire in the Sky
Bonnie and I drove back from Cool Crest via 63rd Street this evening, driving through the heart of Raytown. Past the Raytown water tower, we crested a hill on that broad, smooth, empty way, and saw the Kansas City skyline etched in dark red-gray along the horizon, from Belton on the farthest left to Downtown on the farthest right. The Twentieth Century Towers were tiny and precise in the center, under pink and blue clouds. Right above them was a huge pink-scarlet sun, glistening sullenly like some wet sea creature on the edge of a pink and gold tide.
Raytown was quiet, blue-gold, a sleepy small town rocked to sleep by sunset. Ahead lay the City, hard and busy, awakening to the night. Above the City, the vastness of the universe, the ferocious, pulsing, petty star-fire at the center of the solar system. Against it you could hardly see our town, our burnished towers, our nervous to-and-fro, the merest rind on a tiny speck of a world, cast to the edge of an unimportant swirl of stars.
And we drove through Raytown, in our trusty, shabby car, singing “Daisy, Daisy,” full of pizza and mini-golf.
There’s room in God’s realm for the tiniest of ants, and the biggest of mountains.
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decoucy's journal
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